Please, Please: How to Make a Wish Correctly

How do you ask for what you really want? Do you pray? Do you wait for a falling star? Do you close your eyes when blowing birthday candles? Do you throw a coin into a lucky fountain? Do you fall onto your knees when anguished, shouting at the sky, "I'm begging you, I'll change, I'll be a good person from now on, just please, please, make this happen!"?

We have probably all heard someone say to us, "If you wish something hard enough, it will come true." And we have all had those moments when we gave in to indifference and apathy once we actually did but, instead of getting what we wanted, everything kept falling apart.

I won't tell you whom or what you should send your wishes to - that's up to your own system of beliefs or your cultural background. But I'll help you articulate your wish in a way that will maximize your inner energy once you do so.

1. Make it positive

Don't request that something stops happening, ask for what you want to be happening.

If this stops, what should the situation look like instead?

For example:

Instead of – I wish Andrew didn't embarrass me in front of the whole team each time I speak.

Ask for – I wish Andrew treated me as his equal and let me express my opinions without intruding.

Do you sense the difference?

Why is this a better strategy? Because when one thing stops, there is an infinite number of possibilities that could start happening instead. So you better take control.

3. Make it specific

This is kind of clear from the previous example but it deserves a special space since most people express their wishes along the lines of "more of..." or "less of...".

I want more money.

I want less stress.

I want more time for myself.

I want fewer conflicts in my marriage.

So what exactly does that mean? If you'd like to have more money, will 100 dollars per month cover your extra expenses? Or does it need to be at least 5,000? 

And when you say that you hope to become less stressed... is it less angry, less sad, less frustrated? In which situations? What are the triggers?

For example:

Instead of – I wish to feel less stressed.

Ask for - I'd like me and my partner to find a way to communicate better and spend more time together. Like that we might end up less tense 24/7 and maybe start laughing again.

3. Make it real

Sometimes we tend to wish for stuff because we believe we should, not because we really want them. Not necessarily because someone else told us to but because we want to see ourselves in a certain – often better – light.

Let me give you another example. Let's say you wish really hard to close a deal that will allow you to lead your company's expansion with positive cash flow. It's on your mind all the time and you are doing all that is in your power to bring about the desired outcomes.

However... if you're truly honest with yourself, the idea of winning the deal terrifies you at the same time, because it'd mean that you're locked in that company for many years to come. And in your heart, if you really could, if people didn't depend on you and ...ladidadida... you would be happiest if you could just sell it and do something entirely different.

That's the common paradox of success – more common than you'd think:  I've finally made it, wouldn't I look like a loser if I let it all go?

You can't fool yourself - your heart, your soul, your spirit; if you wish for something that you actually don't want deep inside, only two things can follow: 

a) you simply don't get it, 

b) you do get it but the long-term impact on your life may end up rather bitter - offering you a lesson on going only after things that you truly care about.

Remember the old saying, "Be careful what you wish for?" Now you know why.

4. Make it participative

Humans were given free will for a reason. We're not passive pawns on the chessboard of our fate.

So don't think about your wishes, desires, and dreams only in terms of fortunate or unfortunate strokes of chance. And when you wish for something, ask what you yourself can do, how you yourself can contribute for them to become a reality.

For example:

Instead of: I wish my kids were not falling behind at school.

Ask for: I wish I knew what I can do to help them perform at school better.

Instead of: I wish to be promoted.

Ask for: I'd like to learn what I've been missing for this promotion to follow through.

Instead of: I wish to meet someone I could spend the rest of my life with.

Ask for: Please, make me understand what steps I should take in order to start meeting the right people.

5. Make it tangible

When you get what you want, how's your life going to change? And what will you do with it?

Once you ask for something, make sure you know what it is that you need that 'thing' for. And again, it's important that you're honest about it.

For example, if you wish to have more money, how will you spend it? How will it help you to achieve what you want to achieve in life? What impact will it have on you and those close to you?

Don't try here to trick the entity you're addressing or praying to by handing out false promises, such as, "If I make more, I'll give a part to charity." First, a genuine, charitable, big-hearted person doesn't need a certain amount on their account to help others. Anyone can, at any point in their lives. Second, for your wish to be compelling and powerful, you need to be fully aware of which doors it'll open for you.

So, for instance, instead of: "I wish to become a successful writer."

Ask for: "I wish for my work to be recognized by a reputable publisher so it can reach as many readers as possible. Like that, I can quit my daily job and dedicate more of my time to writing poetry and spreading the message I strongly believe in, and that is..."

 You're getting the idea. 

 So now, two extra, but no less important, steps:

 6. Ditch the fear

It's extremely counterproductive, to say the least, if you wish for something and at the same time are afraid of not getting it.

 From the biological viewpoint, fear helps us survive, yes. But only when we're facing a REAL THREAT. Once the threat is something we've fabricated in our heads, fear turns into a destructive force that pulls the very things we're dreading directly into our lives.

 So don't wish for things out of a place of fear. Wish for them out of a place of courage.

I'm aware that's easier said than done. Fear is an energy that doesn't give up easily. 

But if we don't acknowledge it, if we don't face it, if we don't keep trying to release it, we won't ever be able to create any sort of positive and sustainable change.

7. Visualize and repeat

First, I'll summarize the preceding 6 points for you.

1. Ask for what you want, not for what you don't.

2. Provide as many details as possible.

3. Focus only on what you're absolutely into.

4. Ask what you yourself can do practically.

5. Specify what impact it'll have on your life.

6. Talk to your fears and let them go.

And then finally, number seven:

Spend some time every day, not only repeating your newly formulated wish over and over – during your prayers, meditations, conversations, journaling... – but also, for the maximum possible effect, visualizing your new life once this wish comes true.

Does this all sound like a lot of work? Then the point number three is perhaps where you should start right now. What is it that you really, really want? 

Because then, when you know it, the challenging and the exciting will come close enough for you to start making your dreams happen for yourself.

So I challenge you now - sit down with a piece of paper and do some 'before and after' makeover of your wishes.

And then go for it.