Dear Everybody, Please Stop Shaming Successful Women

Body shaming, slut shaming, gender shaming, parent shaming... how many women have never fallen victim to any of those? And don't you dare them to run a company, make a ton of money, lead a huge team, win a prestigious competition, raise some good people, or create a masterpiece - then the nasty one elegantly waltzes in:

Behold the ever-popular success shaming.

Shaming comes from a place of deep insecurity. And what can make people more insecure than a woman succeeding at a tough job, whatever it may be.

Because we know that on average women are physically weaker. We know that their starting line is often not the same as it is for their male peers. We know that, to win in a world ruled by men, they need to double, triple, or quintuple their efforts. We know that the gender pay gap is real. We know that they often hold more jobs at once, among others that of a child birther, a parent, and an executive household manager. 

How could she even pull it off?

Maybe she's too pretty. Or too ugly.

Nothing in between.

Maybe she was born into a family with money. 

Obvs.

Maybe she simply slept her way to the top. 

Don't they all do that?

Maybe she doesn't have ANY personal life left.

How dull.

Maybe she doesn't even have kids. 

Oh, that's why!

And don't forget how unhappy she must be, most likely lonely AF. And her partner barely holding onto the thread of life, since she surely never serves him a warm homemade dinner.

You've probably heard about Godwin's law, which says that if any online discussion is long enough, someone eventually trots out a comparison to Hitler. Maybe we can define a new law that any discussion, online or physical, about any successful woman eventually always comes to:

• Her capability of being a good girlfriend/wife.

• Her capability of being a good mother. (Or being a mother at all.)

I personally come from a small European country where "not cooking" at home for your man (let alone kids) is a stigma worse than having a criminal history. You murdered someone? Exciting... tell me more. You don't cook? May Lord save your soul, you cold witch.

Speaking of stereotypical behavior, when I discussed this topic with my partner the other day, he asked me if I thought that success-shaming was typical for the Western culture. And my response was: "I don't know if men are success-shaming women everywhere on Earth, but I bet other women are doing it among themselves even in far galaxies."

Let's be honest.  The human being who is the cruelest to a woman is often another woman.

And you know why? Because we're so used to being cruel to ourselves. From when we're little girls, the fear that we won't be liked plants a seed deep into our hearts. And that fear slowly turns into anger and hate. We end up hating how different we are, how we look, how we think, how we behave, how we love, even how we have fun.

And that hate is an energy that doesn't like to sit alone in a corner.

But it's not completely our fault. We learn by examples. And we see, as we grow up, that a woman is rarely enough. You chase career goals? Shame. You are a stay-at-home mom? Shame. You try to balance both work and family? Double shame.

No matter how hard I try, I could always do more. Or better.

That's the mindset of too many women.

STOP SELF-CRUELTY! That's what I feel like screaming out to the stars.

Maybe they'll hear me one day and they'll whisper into the ear of every girl, every woman, "You're a wonder just because you were born. Just that."

All the dies have been cast. We simply play the best we can.

And to those who shame others, I say - You never know their whole story. You never did. And you never will.

And if there's nothing nice to think of... Don't think.

And if there's nothing nice to say... Say nothing.