Breaking Bad Habits: The Pain and Pleasure of Changing Your Behavior

And How to Win at Both

Imagine that one bad habit you’ve unsuccessfully tried to get rid of. A behavior you simply cannot stop, despite numerous attempts and strong willpower. 

By "bad habit," we mean a repetitive behavior or action that is harmful to your physical or mental health, or that has negative consequences for your personal or professional life. It could be anything from smoking, to procrastinating, to overspending, to eating late at night. Whatever the habit might be, it can be difficult to break.

It's possible that the habit has become so automatic that it feels like a part of your identity. Bad habits can also provide a sense of comfort when faced with rough circumstances.

Biting your nails when you're anxious.

Checking your phone constantly when you're feeling lonely.

Eating junk food when you're upset.

Skipping workouts when you're feeling unmotivated.

You may find yourself using the habit as an escape from these feelings. So it can be difficult to break the cycle.

Yet, while these reasons are all valid, they don't quite get to the heart of the matter. The true reason why breaking a bad habit is tough is this:

You fail at breaking a habit because you don’t want to. 

Wait for it.

You do want to get rid of the habit. But you don’t want to get rid of the benefit associated with it. With the pleasure linked to it.

You want to give up smoking. You don’t want to give up the stress relief it provides.

You want to give up eating late at night. You don’t want to give up the sense of comfort it brings.

You want to give up procrastinating. You don’t want to give up the moment of relaxation it offers.

You want to give up overspending. You don’t want to give up the satisfaction of buying new things.

You want to give up sedentary lifestyle. You don’t want to give up the joy of watching TV after work.

People’s behavior is - in straightforward terms - driven by two things:

1) we avoid pain, 

2) we seek pleasure. 

That’s why in each of these cases, you need to identify both the benefits and the negative consequences of the habit you’re trying to eliminate from your life.

To put it into practice, follow these steps:

A - Identify the major pleasure associated with this habit.

Once you nail it, make a list of all the other things that could - potentially - induce the same level of satisfaction. You might find it hard at the beginning, but try to push your brain and maybe you’ll be surprised by some of the options it will come up with.

B- Once you identify the pleasure associated with the habit you’re trying to break, identify also the biggest pain it causes you.

Health issues, relationship damage, financial instability, burnout, scarred self-esteem... these are just a few examples one wrong habit can trigger.

Now, of course, for this to work - in terms of your mind associating the habit with pain - it needs to be substantially strong. Behavior that causes us the most intense pain often goes against our core values, fundamental beliefs, and all-important needs.

Then, turn up the heat one notch higher, and…

C - Identify the pleasure associated with giving up the habit. 

What are you going to get out of this? How will your body look? Your life? Your health? Your relationships? How will it impact others? 

Write it down.

Detail everything. Every single benefit. To you, to your life, to the lives of others. No matter how unimportant it might seem at first.

Visualize it at every opportunity.

Before you sleep.

When you wake up.

When you brush your teeth.

When you drive.

When you meditate.

When you plan your days or when you journal.

Regardless of how you choose to do it, the key is to focus your thoughts on the BENEFITS of breaking the habit, rather than the habit itself. Your body always helps you get what you invest your mental energy into, that’s why the last step is the most game-changing. 

Re-programming your mind is most effective when you focus on the positive outcomes or benefits you want to achieve, rather than the negative behavior you want to eliminate. 

By focusing on what you want, you are less likely to reinforce the negative behavior in your subconscious mind, and more likely to reinforce the positive behavior you want to adopt. 

For example, if you want to break the habit of procrastinating, focus on the benefits of being more productive and efficient, rather than the negative consequences of procrastinating. This will help you to create a new, more positive association with the behavior you want to change.

To put it simply, bad habits are pleasurable and can be difficult to overcome. However, you can replace the pleasure you get from your bad habit with a more acceptable behavior that brings you the same amount of joy. Additionally, you can focus on the pain your habit causes, whether it's physical or mental, and use that as motivation to drop the habit. And by building up an image of the benefits of giving up your bad habit and constantly reminding yourself of them, you can reset your mindset and make it easier to break the habit for good.