10 Hardest Things for People to Say

And why you should say them anyway, even if it rips the insides out of you.

1. I apologize.

It does take courage to apologize. More than you would think. It also takes a steel-strong character to apologize. And it takes healthy self-esteem to apologize to somebody we have – intentionally or unintentionally – hurt.

Yet, apology is not a sign of weakness.

Apology is not submission.

Apology is not defeat. 

Apology is merely acknowledging our mistakes and taking responsibility for them.

I was originally torn between this one and “I’m sorry”, but ultimately, I decided that “I apologize” somehow packs more of a punch.

2. I was wrong.

Admitting that you were wrong and saying it out loud is an incredibly powerful thing to do. People often don’t expect anything more of you than this. They simply want to hear – just hear – that you know that you’ve made a mistake.

But more importantly, admitting that you were wrong means that you are open to growth and learning. 

It’s a sign of humility. 

And it allows for healing and forgiveness in relationships.

3. I love you.

I’m not talking about “I love you” muttered automatically when leaving the house or before hanging up the phone. I’m talking about suppressing all the fear that’s deep-freezing your soul, and telling the person you care about – perhaps for the very first time – three naked words.

It’s the most vulnerable thing you can do. Since there’s hardly anything scarier than being rejected by somebody who found their way into the most sacred part of your heart.

But it’s also the bravest, most beautiful, and the most freeing thing you can do.

Because when you allow yourself to face that fear, and then let it go, you’re not just telling the person how you feel about them – you’re telling yourself that it’s okay to love.

4. I don’t love you.

I know what you’re thinking right now. This doesn’t necessarily need to be said. When we’re acting on our need to be authentic, we’re, in fact, blurring the line between our and someone else’s needs.

So, no easy advice here. However, in order to free both of you from the cage of a dysfunctional relationship, being open and (uncomfortably) honest about your feelings is sometimes the only right thing to do.

5. I need help.

How come this is one of the toughest ones here? Why is asking for help a skill that many of us are struggling to cultivate, not only as a life-saving, but also as a life-sustaining skill?

When I ask for help, will I be seen as weak?

When I ask for help, will I lose respect? 

Once you give space to such questions, thus paralyzing your ability to fight for your needs, it means that you see yourself as weak. You lack respect to yourself.

Always remember that people will see you as a mirror reflection of how you see yourself. So if you believe deep inside that you don’t deserve to be helped, get used to hearing “no” a lot.

You need people. And people need you. There’s no shame in that. There’s shame in not asking for help when you need it the most.

6. I’m dying.

The last moments, weeks, or months on this planet are such an intimate, deeply personal thing that it’s upon each person to decide if and how they decide to handle sharing the message of them being terminally ill with those they care about, and even with those they don’t.

It’s difficult to say it. It’s difficult to hear it.

And perhaps there is no perfect way to respond to it.

7. I’m pregnant. 

How come this has even made the list? What makes it so scary for many, too many, women to share this news with the father of the baby? 

Whether the pregnancy was planned or not planned, expected or unexpected, it takes two to conceive a human life. 

Doesn’t it?

And yet, she might be expecting to face an array of unpleasant reactions.

He might get mad.

He might get happy.

He might get scared.

He might get happy and then get mad.

He might not believe her.

He might think it’s his fault.

He might think it’s her fault.

He might think it’s nobody’s fault.

The list goes on.

The thing is, he might not react the way she expects him to.

And in such a fragile moment, maybe the most fragile of her life, all she needs is his support, not his judgment.

8. No. 

Another tough skill for us to keep building up. Not saying “yes” when we really want to say “no”. 

No, I don’t want to do this. 

No, I don’t feel comfortable with this. 

No, I’m not ready. 

Or simply. No. 

Without any explanation. 

All legit.

9. I cheated. 

This is similar to saying that you were wrong. Just a few levels of pain deeper. 

You have put somebody in the middle of a situation where they didn’t have a say, didn’t have a choice, didn’t have a way out.

Telling the person that you cheated will make them question everything about the relationship, about the love you had, and the trust that will always display cracks, and most importantly about themselves.

So, should you not tell?

I’ve heard people say that they would prefer not to learn about their partner being unfaithful. But I’m guessing that the majority still wants truth over lies and will choose it every time.

The truth will cause pain. But it will also allow the person to start the healing process, and move on with their life.

10. I lied. 

Telling the truth is the right thing to do in most – not every, but yes, in most – situations, while being truthful to ourselves is the right thing to do in every situation. 

Mistakes are being made by all of us. What separates the successful from the unsuccessful, the strong from the weak, the leaders from the sheep, is not perfection, it is the willingness to learn from their mistakes, to own up to them, and to move on.

The ability to be honest with ourselves is the most important aspect of being honest. Without that, we can never hope to be honest with others.